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I'm not that kind of lady who sleeps around. Responsible for attracting more than 25, singletons to the city's annual Matchmaking Expo, Zhou accuses women of demanding too much - reminding them that the chances of finding an Andy Lau lookalike who owns his own house and car, shares all their interests and loves them unconditionally are slim.
However, some flaws are hard to overlook, my female subjects seem to suggest. Their most common grievances are close-mindedness, insecurity and "backwards" mindsets in the men they meet. One woman says she was warned by the man she was dating that she'd only be able to spend time with her girlfriends twice a year should they marry while several others confide that the male need for status affirmation and control even finds its way into the bedroom.
A study published in Science magazine last year found that people born after the introduction of the one-child policy, in , are more risk averse, less trusting and trustworthy, more pessimistic and less competitive than those born before. According to Lata Gangadharan, professor of economics at Monash University, Australia, the study suggests the effects are more marked for men.
Whatever the reason for the mainland's apparent shortage of good men, it is proving a real struggle for women who feel trapped between the societal importance of marriage and a fear of settling for someone they have little in common with. Consequently, many women are starting to look more seriously elsewhere, dating outside their ethnicity in order to increase the chances of finding a partner.
To studied 50 leftover women and found them increasingly likely to choose Western men, "who are generally believed to be more open-minded and egalitarian in terms of gender roles". Zhang Yalin, who has been a professional matchmaker for 18 years, says that she's recently noticed a trend in women hoping to find their spouses abroad, with about 30 per cent of her female clients now deciding that foreigners are the best solution.
Numbers are swelling at Shanghai's Yali Marriage Quotient Club, where women pay anywhere from 2, yuan to 40, yuan for classes specialising in how to bag an "elite foreign man". The programme is aimed at women over 30, divorcees and leftover women, who founder Liang Yali believes stand better chances of marriage with men from countries where age and accomplishments are viewed in a more forgiving light.
Claiming a 60 per cent success rate, Liang says women are taught crucial skills, such as how to build confidence and gain greater self-understanding. Interracial relationships are nothing new in China. Since the first batch of expatriate opportunists started trickling into the country in the s, "yellow fever" has been a common condition among foreign men.
The number of Chinese including men marrying foreigners swelled from an official zero in to 53, in , according to the Ministry of Civil Affairs. Although only a handful of the women I speak to seem terribly excited about the prospect of marrying a foreigner, all are at pains to differentiate between expatriates and men living in their home countries.
Perhaps this sweeping disdain for expatriates explains why there is some albeit limited evidence to suggest that initial intrigue in foreigners has plateaued.
A survey led by Gregory Mavrides, an American mental-health professional who taught at Guangzhou's Jinan University between and , showed that 49 per cent of the young, female respondents indicated a preference for Chinese husbands. Richard Burger, author of Behind the Red Door: Sex in China , points to another reason why women may tread carefully with foreigners.
While Chinese women may have become wise to expat misbehaviour, there does seem to be a growing appeal to venturing further afield. As the Chinese population becomes increasingly mobile, more than , citizens on average are leaving the country every year. While the reasons cited include everything from escaping choking pollution to seeking new experiences and trying to further careers, women also see emigration as an opportunity to escape family and societal pressures. Living with her parents as just over half of my subjects still are, and the majority of mainland women do until they get married , Yang describes in heartbreaking detail how distant she feels from her mother and the rest of her family, who constantly grill her about her single status.
Ten of my 12 subjects express similar sentiments of suffocation and a desire to escape. More and more Chinese women are rejecting the government's call to abandon further education and settle down, and are instead flocking to sit their GMATs, the examination that typically secures entry to global management schools according to the Graduate Management Admission Council, in , 37, tests - 65 per cent of the total - were taken by women in China, up 47 per cent from and 98 per cent from As women strive to better themselves and extend their horizons, the opportunities to marry outside their culture are growing.
Ting says she's become used to the double takes as she strolls down the streets of Rotterdam with her six-foot, two-inch tall Dutch boyfriend, who she met three months after landing.
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Of course, it doesn't always end with a white man and a Chinese woman skipping hand-in-hand into the sunset. I suffered a lot because they all seemed so cold and uncommitted. Deng, who moved to Australia last year after breaking up with a Chinese boyfriend of five years, says, "I thought a relationship should be built first and sex comes after, but casual sex is very normal here. Although China's sexual attitudes have become more aligned with those of the West, a Chinese woman is still more likely to have premarital sex only with the man she hopes to marry, whereas dating a Westerner involves sex as an inevitable "part of the package", says Burger.
Having to contend with racial stereotypes can also prove problematic. As Zhou says, "Some of the men I meet expect all Asian women to behave in a certain way, to be subservient and gentle and dependent. I think they're disappointed when they realise I'm not. Back in the mainland, official commentary on interracial relationships has been limited. In , popular dating website hongniang.
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Predictably, mainland media were quick to jump on the disillusionment involved in wedding a foreigner, widely publicising the results and speculating over the cultural and social barriers behind them. Such reports don't fall on deaf ears.
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